Early Writings

This is something I wrote some time ago.  I'm not really sure when I wrote it or what was going on in my life but as we sort through old drawers we found it.  I'm glad your mom saved it.  So let me know what you think.

My name is of no consequence.  My age is irrelevant.  Those who are like me know me.  Those who are not wonder about me.  I have set out on a journey with no idea how to find the road or which road or even if there is a road.  I have learned things along the way and believe I have a map but it is nearly impossible to follow.

I have an enemy on this journey.  He visits along the way.  He puts markers on the road that cause me long delays and make me lose my way.  He puts fog in the air so I can't read my map.  Sometimes when he is no where in sight I cast down my map and try to walk without it. Then I wonder around at the crossroads wondering which way to go.  No map, no one to instruct me.  I never feel more alone on my journey than during these times.  I stumble around until I find it again.  I tell myself never to let go of it again but I know I will.  I just hope that I am farther down the road than when I let go of it.  Sometimes I know that I am.  I have a real problem staying on the road because I walk head down.  I rarely look far enough ahead to make sure I am walking the straight line, so I end up getting lost far too often. 

My enemy is back, he senses I am making some progress.  This infuriates him.  He disguises himself and pretends to show me a short-cut.  What a fool I am.  Of course I follow.  I have such a hard time saying no to him.  A wind comes from no where and his disguise is lifted.  My enemy looks at me with that knowing smile.  Like he just knows he will always win.  I leave him and make back for the direction I thought the road lay but with little confidence I will find it again.  I vow to watch more closely for the enemy next time, but I don't really believe.  The enemy always appears so friendly, but I see in his eyes he wants to destroy me.  I finally remember my map, it somehow is always able to tell me exactly where I am and to get on the right road again. 

I walk further and I realize I have no idea how long the journey will be.  It seems so long already, but I know it is just a small blip in the time line of eternity.  I know I can't fail here or the light in the distance will never be reached.  Why is it that it seems like the only people on the road with me are so far ahead?  Everyone seems to be having an easier time than me.  My road is the rockiest, the steepest, the most hazardous.  I rest sometimes thinking I have earned it.  I sit down square in the middle of the road and rest.  When I get back up the road is gone.  I am lost again.  How did that happen?  This can be such a confusing place.  I somehow make my way back yet again but my energy is expended.  I am so tired.  I can't rest, I can't find an inn along the way. 

My journey continues demanding my strength, my concentration, my sacrifice, my everything.  It is hard to keep focused on the light ahead.  Sometimes that light even seems a little closer but that isn't enough to motivate me.  I slump over.  Up ahead I see people continuing on.  Somewhere on another road I hear my enemy laughing.  He has won.  I always thought he would.  Suddenly I hear him shriek.  I see a movement on the road ahead but I am too weary to look. 

A light fills all around.  I look up and see the face of he that comes.  The look on that face.  I know I will never forget it.  A look of such complete love and tenderness.  He reaches for me and touches me.  My strength returns.  He gently lifts me to my feet and wraps his arms around me. 

"Well done," he whispers.

I do not understand.  Then he explains.  "For some, the road is easier and filled with less pitfalls.  Each individual has his own length of road to walk."  He pauses and fixes my eyes with a piercing stare,  "When you can walk no more the light will come to you.  It matters not how long your road is but that you never stop trying." 

He takes my hand and leads me forward as the light surrounds us.  For the first time in forever I feel peace, I feel love.  Somewhere I hear my enemy.  He is weeping.  I am crying as well but these are tears of joy.  Every struggle, every moment of despair, I remember now why I started this journey.  It was because I knew this would be worth it and as I look in my Savior's eyes the light brightens and I know, my smile will last an eternity