Good-Byes

This week has been another in a series of good-byes for me personally and as I sat thinking about that on my drive home from Logan Saturday night, it hit me just how foreign that word will be to our celestial existence. For some context let me back-up.

Early Friday morning I said good-bye to Becca as she headed off on her summer mission to Nauvoo to perform in the Nauvoo brass band. What an opportunity for her! I am truly excited she gets this chance to spend an entire summer in that wonderful place walking where the prophet Joseph walked, and helping to share the gospel through music. I truly am grateful that she is able to be there at this time, however as with each of my children who has left my home, it is so tough saying good-bye. She will be back for a very short week in August, and I know for her the time will fly by all too soon, but for me the days will drag. But even when she returns it will only be to prepare for her trip to college this fall at Snow. Again I am excited for her and Laura to begin this new chapter in their lives. I have seen Elizabeth, Ashley and Jessica grow so much as they have left home and stepped out on their own. They were each ready to take that next step, which is all a parent can ask for, yet I so love what we have in this home, the memories the we have made together, the hard times we have endured, the good times, the laughs, the tears. Each of these memories are the fabric of my life. Each of these moments represent the true happiness I have found in mortality. But one by one my children are growing, and leaving. Elizabeth will be in Oregon with her husband as they grow their family there. Ashley is in grad school this fall in Logan, Jessica on her mission in Missouri, Becca at Snow College and Laura in Orem at UVU. I am grateful to be so much closer to get to see them more often, however they will never be under my roof in the same way again. I know this is the plan. I know this is what the Lord intended. This is what Robin and I intended. I would not want them to stay home and be stifled. I want to see each of them grow. But, that doesn't lessen the pain of losing that everyday association. And as I drove that car home in the dark, thinking about all the good-byes I had just said that weekend, I thought about the celestial kingdom and my family gathered around me for eternity with no more good-byes. Never to be parted again. What a blessing that will be! A blessing I will gladly give all that I have, want, desire, to obtain. Hell would be knowing that I could have had that reunion, or even knowing that it was taking place, but knowing that I had made the choice to not be there. There is no need for physical torture or punishment or a literal lake of fire and brimstone, nothing could approach the anguish of separation from family for eternity knowing the simplicity of the way back. I am so grateful for the knowledge of the gospel in my life. I am so grateful for the sealing ordinance. I am so grateful for the promise of no more good-byes, only joyful hello's as we gather in the presence of the father and his son and they receive us with open arms into their presence never to leave again. That is heaven. My family gives me fleeting glimpses of that joy that we will all have someday without measure.

I tried to bear my testimony and broke down several times as I thought about my family members who are now making the choice to miss that family reunion in eternity. I still hold out hope for them. I always will. I don't care what path they take to get there. I just want them there. No one lost. Not one of us on the outside looking in. I know the Lord is a merciful judge and will take into account all that they have been through. But I hope and pray that they will choose to join us in God's presence as a family forever. I don't want to say an eternal good-bye.

Here is Becca at the airport before leaving and our sweet Ashley on her graduation day at USU. We are so proud of her and the example she has set for her younger sisters and brother.