The Work of Salvation- my testimony of it

I recently gave a talk in my ward about Family History centers being in the home, as well as the doctrine and purpose of doing family history and temple work. I felt uniquely prepared for this talk because of the many conference talks I studied from April 2019 general conference. There are many beautiful talks and they are rich with information about preparing for the second coming of Jesus Christ. I also felt prepared because of my now 8 years of experience in redeeming the dead. I wanted to share with you my thoughts because there is so much to say and it means a lot to me. So here is some of that talk:

In the recent General Conference, Elder Bednar said- “Family History Centers now are in our homes. Supplemental support for our family history research work also is available in our meetinghouses. Vital temple preparation classes occur in our homes; Making our homes sanctuaries wherein we can “stand in holy places” is essential in these latter days,” and “it will be even more vital in the future.” 

So no longer is temple preparation or family history learning happening at church, but rather in our homes. Home centered Family history learning can look like many things. For example you can bring a family history consultant into your home to teach your entire family. Parents can plan activities as a family to teach and learn alongside their children. It also means downloading the familysearch app to every device in your home and using it refularly. The family history committees in our wards are made to support this effort, just as Elder Bednar says, and resources are available at the church for your use. But, ultimately, the learning and growing of testimonies should be happening at home with children present. 

In the updated Church Handbook, it states “Under the direction of the bishop, the ward council develops a ward temple and family history plan that is brief, simple, and specific. The plan helps ward members gain a vision of temple and family history work.”    

The inspired plan from (my)  Bishop has been to encourage each individual and family to “Take a Step Forward” in Family History and Temple work. 4 times a year, each quarter, we hand out a list of ideas for how you can take a step forward. There are many options for everyone no matter where your comfort level is. Just doing one of these steps is following the direction of our Bishop. Also included on the handout is a list of committee members who you can invite into your home to help you.  

There is also the encouragement for all parents, teachers and auxiliaries to include teaching and discussing family history and temple work in our homes, lessons, conversations, talks, and activities when possible. We have a ward Missionary committee that does the exact same thing to help our ward with missionary work. Our leaders, and Christ, want us to “gain a vision of temple and family history work.” He wants members to have an understanding and testimony of this work. 

Elder Cook 2019- “Relief Society sisters and priesthood brethren can lovingly help fulfill their temple and family history responsibility individually and also by assisting and inspiring children and youth to gather Israel on the other side of the veil. This is particularly important in the home and on the Sabbath....The internet is a powerful tool; the home is now our primary family history center. Our young members are exceptionally skilled in family history research and are spiritually motivated to perform baptisms for their ancestors, whom they have learned to love and appreciate.”

-As a teenager I became interested in family history through the examples and testimonies of others. My grandparents were an example to me of temple work when they took me and my twin sister and my parents on a special temple trip after I turned 12. I still remember my Grandpa crying in the witness chair as I was baptized for his mother who had died the previous year. My grandparents were also temple workers and have always been an example to me of love for the temple. My Dad was also an example to me as he worked with his grandmother who was not a member to find his ancestors and do their work. I also had wonderful youth leaders who encouraged me and helped me create my online familysearch account. As a little girl my mom would tell me "mommy stories" about her childhood and ancestors, stories about spiritual experiences and building of testimonies.

-In Oct 2011 general conference, when I was a Senior in high school, Elder Bednar gave a talk that encouraged the youth to participate in family history work. He said “Many of you think family history is to be performed by older people. But I know of no age limit restricting this important service to mature adults. You are sons and daughters of God, children of the covenant, builders of the kingdom. It is no coincidence that FamilySearch and other tools have come forth at a time when young people are so familiar with a wide range of information and communication technologies. The skills and aptitude evident among many young people today are a preparation to contribute to the work of salvation.” He invited the youth to find our ancestors, perform their work in the temples, and help others identify their histories. 

He then said to parents and leaders to “please help your children and youth to learn about and experience the Spirit of Elijah. But do not overly program this endeavor or provide too much detailed information and training. Invite young people to explore, to experiment, and to learn for themselves. Young people increasingly need to be learners who act and thereby receive additional light and knowledge by the power of the Holy Ghost, not merely passive students who primarily are acted upon.”

As a youth I was always invited to be a part of the work, and I had great examples who shared their testimony of it through their example, but I never felt pressured or forced to do it, and that gave me the freedom to learn, explore, and become an expert in my own way.

Everyone needs to be involved: 

-As Elder Bednar said, Family History work is not limited to a certain age group. As the Family History center shifts to the Home, we can better learn together as families how to do this work, and completing the work is a family effort. Before I was endowed I would send my family name cards to my Grandmother across the country and she would complete the rest of the work. She still helps me with temple work, and I help her find her ancestors using online tools that she is unfamiliar with. I have 7 sisters, 6 of which are able to do family history right now. When we need help or have large projects we all help each other and have had some wonderful experiences together. I’ve also become closer to extended family members as we do research together and find photos and memories. My husband has helped me with my male ordinances, and so on. Temple and Family history work brings families together, and all of this can happen inside the home. If you’re unsure where to start, work with a member of the family history committee and invite one to your home to teach you alongside your family. This needs to be an “all hands on deck” effort as we learn the skills needed and build our testimonies together of the work of salvation.

Preparing for the Lord’s Return

-One of the blessings Elder Bednar mentioned in 2011 was that “As you respond in faith to this invitation, your hearts shall turn to the fathers. Your patriarchal blessing will be more meaningful to you.”

In my Patriarchal blessing, it mentions I will help “in preparing for the Second Coming of Jesus Christ”, and that my children will do so as well. For a while I didn’t really understand what that meant. However in April Elder Christofferson gave a talk titled “Preparing for the Lord’s Return.” This talk, and others from conference enlightened me as to what it means to truly prepare for Christ’s return. 

Here is some of what Elder Christofferson said:

“First and crucial for the Lord’s return is the presence on the earth of a people prepared to receive Him at His coming. In ancient times God took the righteous city of Zion to Himself. By contrast, in the last days a new Zion will receive the Lord at His return.”

“This great and last dispensation is building steadily to its climax--Zion on earth being joined with Zion from above at the Savior’s glorious return. The Church of Jesus Christ is commissioned to prepare--and is preparing-- the world for that day.”

Elder Christofferson goes on to say: “What can we do to prepare now for (the second coming of Christ?). We can prepare ourselves as a people; we can gather the Lord’s covenant people; and we can help redeem the promise of salvation “made to the fathers” our ancestors. All of this must occur in some substantial measure before the Lord comes again.”

What does a people prepared to receive Christ look like? According to Elder Christofferson in order for Christ to return, he must have Zion, a covenant people, ready to receive Him. Christ is relying on us to be ready for him. How can we be ready? He mentioned three things:

1. we must prepare ourselves, 
2. we can gather Zion through missionary work, and 
3. we can redeem those on the other side of the veil. 

So why these three things? How does this prepare us for the second coming? 

Under the church’s list of Gospel topics, under the word “Millenium.”  it gives us a description of what the Millennium will be like:  

In the Millennium, “Christ will reign personally upon the earth” for 1000 years. The Millennium will be a time of righteousness and peace on the earth.

During the Millennium, all people on the earth will be good and just, but many will not have received the fullness of the gospel. Consequently, members of the Church will participate in missionary work. Members of the Church will also participate in temple work during the Millennium. The Saints will continue to build temples and receive ordinances in behalf of their kindred dead. Guided by revelation, they will prepare records of their ancestors all the way back to Adam and Eve.”

Elder Ballard also recently stated “We’re building these temples not only for us in this moment of our history, but we’re building temples which will be used during the Millennium when this great work will be carried on in the house of the Lord … under the direction and supervision of the Lord Jesus Christ Himself,” 

So in the Millennium we will be doing missionary work, temple work, and family history work, and we will be a righteous people living under Christ’s rule. 

As Elder Christofferson said, in order for Christ to come, a covenant people needs to be already upon the earth prepared to be in his presence. They need to be prepared to do the work of salvation for 1000 years. A covenant people is not just a group of people who go to church, but a people who actively participate in the work of salvation, who have experience and knowledge in how to do so. The Church’s purpose is to prepare a people who are ready to do temple, family history, and missionary work for 1000 years. Not only should a covenant people know how to do these things, but they should also have a strong testimony of the work of salvation. If Christ were to come today and ask us to leave behind our free time, our retirement plans and "fun time," would we be prepared to not only do those things but would our hearts be changed enough that we wanted to? This is how we prepare for the second coming of Christ. 

These committees that our wards have developed, the new Come Follow Me curriculum, they are all helping us prepare for the Millennium and for the work we will be doing every day after the Savior’s return. Each ward across the globe is increasing their efforts in the work of salvation in these three things because this is how we become a covenant people who are prepared to receive Christ. 

One of the greatest blessings I continue to receive is feeling the love my ancestors have for me. My great great grandparents were named Emma and George Yoder. Their family of 10 children was one of the first families I worked on in 2011. Recently I became interested in finding photos of my ancestors. I found it really hard to find a photo of Emma and George, but I kept trying and asked my 89 year old great great aunt if she had any photos of her grandparents. She said she didn’t, but after a few times of looking with my other aunt, they found a photo of them in one of her albums! From the moment I saw their faces I knew they had helped me find their picture because they loved me and were grateful for the work I had done for them. 

Another time I went through the effort of seeking permission to do a sealing to parents of a young baby who died. Her parents were my great great grandparents Florence and Oliver Fluegel. With my husband and my sister in the Nauvoo temple we did the sealing to parents, and while doing so I felt the happiness and joy that Florence felt in being sealed to her baby. Having gone through a similar loss prior to this experience, it was very healing and special to me. I felt closer to my grandmother Florence who I’ve never met and a greater love for my ancestors who are watching over me. 

A lot of people ask what motivates people to do family history, Elder Cook says

“I know that Love of the Savior and love of our fellow men and women4 is the primary attribute and motive” in family history and missionary work.

With love as our motivation we can change our hearts to become ready for the second coming.

Here is one of my favorite scriptures about preparing for Christ’s return:

-Moroni 7:48 “Wherefore my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him” 

 I'll close with my favorite Primary song about family history: 

1.Fam’ly history—I am doing it,

My fam’ly history.

And the love I feel when I’m doing it

Is very sweet to me.

I learn stories of my progenitors;

I write their history.

I keep records of my loved ones

On my own fam’ly tree.

                   

                   

2. Fam’ly living now and the ones who’ve died

Can all be sealed to me,

And someday I’ll meet ev’ry one of them,

I’m sure as I can be.

Oh what joy we’ll have when they say to me, “We’re all a family.

I am yours and you are mine now,

Through all eternity.”

I know we can all be a part of the work of salvation, I know it is the most important and eternal thing we can do with our time, and say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Links:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2019/04/54bednar?lang=eng

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2019/04/43cook?lang=eng

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2019/04/44christofferson?lang=eng

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/church/news/elder-ballard-todays-temples-will-be-used-in-the-millennium?lang=eng

This summer we are so excited to announce our 25th wedding anniversary celebration! We will be staying at a cabin in Preston,ID on the 10th through the 13th of August which is a Friday through Monday stay. Our anniversary party will take place on Saturday evening at the cabin. We have invited pretty much anyone who wants to come to join us for as much of the weekend as they like. I thought it would be fun to post some pictures from the cabin to show what it looks like. Please contact me with any questions or to let us know you are coming.

Sister's Contract

Once upon a time, almost 7 years ago, on March 11th 2011, Mom and Dad went on a date and left Ashley and I in charge. Ashley, Jessica, and I had been having a conversation earlier that week about life, the gospel, and our family. We talked about how much we loved our family and never wanted to have a sibling leave the church. We wanted to all be in the Celestial kingdom together with our families someday.

So, on this night while Mom and Dad were away, we gathered all the girls together (even little Sara who was only 3 years old), and sat in a circle in the loft upstairs. We had a sisters pow wow so to speak, where Ashley, Jessica, and I took turns sharing our testimonies of the gospel, of eternal families, and of the desire we had to have all of us in the Celestial Kingdom together someday. We talked about how it seemed impossible now, but when we're all adults and life gets hard, there is a chance people can fall away. Looking at our parents' immediate families, this was evident and a real possibility. But, we talked about how much we loved each other, how much we sisters can look out for each other. Looking back, I know this was a meeting directed by the spirit. The spirit there was so strong that Emma (who was almost 8 years old) was crying in Jessica's lap from the pure truth that was being manifested by the spirit to her. Going into it, I hadn't planned on this next part, but as we continued to discuss, I got up and grabbed a piece of stationary paper and we decided to form a contract. A "Sister's Contract" created by all of us. Each point was carefully drafted by the 7 of us Fluegel sisters. We all had a part in making it, and we all signed it at the bottom, even Sara who had just learned to write her name.

Here is what it said:

On this nineteenth day of March 2011:
We Fluegel Sisters promise that we will forever do the following:

1. Always be an active member in the gospel, the LDS church, fulfill our callings, and keep the commandments of God.

2. Marry in God's temple to a righteous priesthood holder who has returned from an honorable mission and is considerably good looking.

3. Always keep our minds, hearts, and bodies pure and chaste.

4. Value our sisterhood above any circumstance whether it be money, trials, or other people and we will always be each other's number one supports.

5. We will be true sisters in Zion always paying our tithing, serving others, and being patient and loving mothers.

6. We will all be together in the Celestial Kingdom with our families and live happily ever after with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

Signed by:
Elizabeth Anne (16)                 Rebecca Lynn (11)       Sara Grace (3)
Ashley Rae (16)                       Laura Jean (11)
Jessica Elaine (13)                   Emma Rose (7)


Soon we hope to have Clara and Porter sign too!
I look at this document often (which we have made copies of since) and think about how when I signed this document, I promised to do those 6 things. Some of which I have done, and most of which I will need to continue to do for the rest of my life! One of the parts I love the most is number 4, about valuing our sisterhood (as Mom and Dad taught us) above anyone or anything else, and being each other's number one supports. When I look at the end goal, which is to be together in the Celestial Kingdom, I know that as sisters we are important in that journey. It is our duty as sisters to lift each other up, strengthen the weak, notice if one is lost and bring them lovingly back. We promised to do this, and I know that there is a special power in the love we share for each other. No, we're not perfect, but we are our sister's keepers, and I know none of us will be lost because we love and care for each other, and will support each other no matter where we are on our journey.

I love you girls so much! Enjoy my photo dump!

Letter to Jessica

I thought I would share my letter to Jessica this week with the rest of the family. I thought you might like to read it.

As you near the end of your sojourn in Sikeston I am sure you are reflecting on your many months there and the people you have met and helped come closer to Christ. I am sure you can point to tough times that have tested your soul and made you wonder what you were doing there. On the other hand I am sure there are many other memories of the good experiences that you will carry the rest of your life. I know you have made an impact there. Probably more than you will ever know. I think of the impact of just one life joining the gospel and the trickle down effect through generations. Somewhere either here or in the spirit world is a set of missionaries who served in the little town of Freeport, IL. They couldn't know the impact they would have have on hundreds and even thousands of people their influence would have when they met a new mother who was looking for more truth. She listened intently to their message and accepted. They were transferred out shortly after probably never realizing that that mother passed on the gospel to her children and that all of them would be married in the temple and three remain true to the faith the rest of their lives. They would go on to have 5 children between them that were active into adulthood with 2 missions served among those children and countless others taught the gospel through those missionary's efforts. Those 5 children had 21 children of their own with 4 of them serving missions already. How many lives have been impacted now because of the efforts of that one woman who accepted the gospel or her 3 daughters or their 5 children who have remained active or the 21 of their children? How many generations to come will be impacted by the opening of that one door?

Now let's go back and imagine a different scenario. Let's imagine that those missionaries received that lead that day and didn't follow up on it. Let's imagine that they instead hung out in their apartment that day or at a member's house with the cute daughters who liked when the missionaries dropped by. Would that young mother have accepted the message at a later time in her life? Maybe. I shudder to think what would have happened if those missionaries had not been workers, how their decision to work and be faithful has impacted my life many decades later. I have the gospel because two missionaries I don't know remained focused on the work and started this chain that, although not perfect or without a link missing here or there, continues on into the future ever growing. It must be so disheartening to the adversary to see the impact of the small pebbles that you set rolling down the mountainside now. Understand the impact that these small pebbles can have. You have the gospel today because a missionary worked one day, not knowing that today was the day he had hoped for. The day he would find someone ready to hear his message. If you knew that only one of those families would be impacted for generations like ours has been. Would it be worth all the work of your entire mission? I know your answer. I hope you are prepared for that last door. That last effort in Sikeston. That last effort with this companion. This may be the one that starts the pebble down the mountain, creating the avalanche. Or better yet, releasing the stone that is cut without hands, filling the entire earth.

The Lord continues to reveal wonderful promises to me of our future. He continues to ask me what it is that I want. It is a daunting question to answer. Ammon, who was sent to look for the people of Zeniff in the land of Nephi talks about the ability of Mosiah to interpret the plates of the Jaredites and says that Mosiah had interpreters that only he could look into. For if a man look who is not prepared or called, he would look for that which he ought not and perish. Or look beyond the mark. I feel fear when the Lord asks me what I want. Fear that I will look beyond the mark and ask for that which I ought not and perish. So I am very careful in my answer. To be asked at all is such an honor. So my answer is that I wish for my children to be sealed in the temple, to be exalted, to not lose a single one. I do wish for some things to develop materially so that your mother and I can have security in our later years and serve in the fullest capacity in his kingdom. But those are secondary. I want to have an impact on the lives of those around me. As you now do. What a blessing it is that you have this opportunity at this time. Cherish it! Let nothing stand in your way. See any obstacle for what it is. I love you more than life itself. I miss you so much at times my heart aches. But I take solace in knowing that you can have an impact on generations to come by knocking on that next door. By leaving the apartment one more time. By contacting that person who has blown you off one last time. By showing love to someone who doesn't want it. Be strong. Be of good cheer. Be a force for good and a light in the world for your savior. Be safe. Be happy. I love you.

Dad

The Bread of Life

This is a short talk I gave today on the Bread of Life, our Savior Jesus Christ. I have been thinking of this message for the past several weeks and felt impressed to share it when giving this talk to the elderly at a short Sacrament meeting for them at their rest home today.

The prophet Amos, long ago said , “Behold, the days come, saith the Lord God, that I will send a famine in the land, not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the Lord.”

During the Savior’s Galilean ministry, He chided those who had heard of Him feeding the 5,000 with only five barley loaves and two fishes, and now flocked to Him expecting a free lunch. That food, important as it was, was incidental to the real nourishment He was trying to give them.

“Your fathers did eat manna in the wilderness, and are dead,” He admonished them. “I am the living bread which came down from heaven: if any man eat of this bread, he shall live forever.” But this was not the meal they had come for, and the record says, “From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him.”

Jesus frankly confronted them with their real concern by declaring, “Ye seek me, not because ye desire to keep my sayings, neither because ye saw the miracles, but because ye did eat of the loaves, and were filled” (JST, John 6:26, footnote a). Like their ancestors in the wilderness of the Exodus, these people were less interested in obeying the commandments than in eating (see Ex. 15:24; Ex. 16:2–3). Jesus Christ was offering “words of eternal life,” and the people were hoping for a handout.

Jesus taught the crowd that they should “labour … for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give unto you: for him hath God the Father sealed” (John 6:27). They queried, “What shall we do, that we might work the works of God?” (John 6:28). Jesus responded that they should “believe on him whom he hath sent” (John 6:29). They reacted by soliciting a sign (John 6:30). After all, they claimed, Moses gave them “bread from heaven to eat” (John 6:31). Jesus corrected them, asserting that “Moses gave you not that bread from heaven; but my Father giveth you the true bread from heaven” (John 6:32). He then stated His preeminent point: “The bread of God is he which cometh down from heaven, and giveth life unto the world” (John 6:33). In other words, He, Jesus Christ, was the very sign for which they were asking. The manna of Moses’ time was a type of the true bread given of the Father, and that is none other than the Son. In a darkened spiritual state, these people could not or would not understand. To their request for this bread, Jesus unambiguously announced, “I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst” (John 6:35).

“He that believeth on me hath everlasting life” (John 6:47). This was an unexpected and startling proclamation to a group of people committed more to temporal survival and political ends than to everlasting life. Again, the Savior reminded them of their ancient Exodus progenitors, saying, “Your fathers did eat manna in the wilderness, and are dead” (John 6:49). “We come now,” declared Elder Bruce R. McConkie (1915–85) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “to the crowning teaching of the sermon on the bread of life, which is, that men are saved by eating the flesh and drinking the blood of the Son of God.” 7 Jesus Himself stated: “This is the bread which cometh down from heaven, that a man may eat thereof, and not die. “I am the living bread which came down from heaven: if any man eat of this bread, he shall live for ever” (John 6:50–51).

Elder McConkie also explained that “to eat the flesh and drink the blood of the Son of God is, first, to accept him in the most literal and full sense, with no reservation whatever, as the personal offspring in the flesh of the Eternal Father; and, secondly, it is to keep the commandments of the Son by accepting his gospel, joining his Church, and enduring in obedience and righteousness unto the end. Those who by this course eat his flesh and drink his blood shall have eternal life, meaning exaltation in the highest heaven of the celestial world.”

67 Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away? 68 Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life. 69 And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God.

The world today is much like these Jews, wanting of the Savior or of God temporal salvation or in other words, the things of this world. Lucifer even offered such things to Christ if he would worship him. This is telling. I think we learn much of Satan's tactics by studying the temptation of Christ. But Christ rebuked Lucifer and said man cannot live on bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth forth out of the mouth of God. The Only bread that will allow us to live is the Bread of Life, our Savior Jesus Christ. If we partake of that bread we will never hunger again. If we drink of his blood we will never thirst again. But that requires us to leave behind our desire for the fake substitutes that Lucifer tries to feed us. It is hard to believe that some of the Children of Israel would not look and live but would rather die because of the easiness of the way and yet I see it today all around me. The way is easy. His burden is light. Look and live, partake and be filled. Yet, some would rather starve and perish because of pride and sin. I can only pray that their days are extended so they can too once more partake.

Creatures of Happiness

I was asked by one of my street team members to write a guest post for her blog on whether we deserve happiness. Here is what I wrote: We are Creatures of Happiness

As a young man growing upon a farm in midwestern Illinois I have so many memories I look back to with fondness. I remember the humid summers, stacking bales in the loft of our barn in the heat as a boy, trying to keep up with the men as they grabbed two bales at once and carried them to the back of the loft to stack them in the ever-rising pile of hay. I could only handle one bale at a time, but I felt like a man doing man’s work, sweating, getting dirty, working up a veracious appetite that would only be satisfied by the spread produced at grandma’s table at lunch and dinner.

I remember too the fall, harvest time when the golden corn swayed in the breeze as the combine cut row after row down, reaping the golden treasure for transport to our grain bins. When I was old enough, I was allowed to drive the tractor that collected the golden corn and transport it in wagons back from the field. Again at 14 I felt like an adult, able to contribute to the welfare of the family as well as any of the other adults in the family. I was needed, even relied on, and that made me happy.

I remember the spring as well, a time of rebirth when nature shrugs off the sheet of ice and cold and begins to blossom again. Spring is a time of hope and renewal, but not in my family. As we hook up the disc and plow the dark, rich soil on our family farm, spring is a reminder of loss. It was in the spring that it happened. I wasn’t alive at the time, but I too felt the effects, everyone who came after did. Her name was Elane, and she was the joy of the family. While her grandpa plowed the field she tried to surprise him by jumping up on the back of the tractor, but she slipped, the discs ran over her young body, crushing her. He heard her cry, but too late. He carried her from the field in his arms, her breathing shallow, her eyes wouldn’t open. They put her in the arms of her mother and sped into town, but less than a mile from the very field where the accident occurred, she breathed her last. Little did Elane know, but when she left that spring day, something more than a little girl died. Happiness itself was taken from them. She left behind a mother and father who forever after struggled to say a nice word to each other. She left behind a brother, (my father) who blamed himself for not watching her more closely, and turned to alcohol and a gruff exterior, never letting anyone in to see the pain he masked. She left behind a sister who could not allow anyone, including two husbands to get too close to her for fear of feeling again the anguish of true loss.

As I watched this family growing up I somehow knew that they were broken. I didn’t know why fully until many years later, but I knew. My father and my mother split up when I was young, but I spent summers on the farm and saw firsthand people I loved going through the motions of life with no hint of happiness. Yet I knew and believe now more than ever that we are creatures of happiness. Let me be clear, not passions, but happiness. Passion is a necessary momentary splash of color in the much larger canvas of life. Happiness is the full palette that coordinates the blues and blacks with the lighter yellows and purples to give us the masterpiece that we all are trying to create, a masterpiece that will last forever. Do we then, deserve happiness?

A father stood in a field with his son, flying a kite aloft. The son cried out to his father, “Let out more string Dad, it wants to go higher!” His father let out more string and the kite took the wind, higher into the sky. After a time the son cried out again, “Let out more string Dad, it wants to go even higher!” So the dad let out the rest of the string, causing the kite to soar into the sky, now no more than a tiny dot high up in the sky. Shortly after, the son yelled out one last time, let it out more Dad!” But the Father answered, “Son, there is no more string to let out.”

“Then let it go, Dad,” the son answered. “The string is holding it back!”

The Dad smiled, knowing what would happen, but seeing an opportunity. He let go of the string, the kite took off for a short time but predictably began to plummet to the earth. As it crashed to the ground the boy turned to his father and said, “I don’t understand.”

His father knelt down and tussled his son’s hair a little as the wind whipped across the field. “You see son, the string wasn’t holding the kite down, it was the resistance of the string the held the kite aloft.”

So what does this have to do with happiness? I believe there are rules, eternal rules that lead us to happiness. Not to pleasure, but to true happiness. These rules do not hold us back, they do not keep us from soaring higher, instead they provide the very grounding that we need in order to attain true happiness in this life and give us perspective to allow us to survive the vicissitudes of this life and the challenges it brings. Those rules are closely tied to my belief in God. It is that belief that gives me perspective when there is loss and hardship and despair. It is that perspective that allows me to smile again, to laugh again, to hope again, to be happy amid the tumult.

As I visit the graves of my grandma and grandpa and the little marker in between them of my aunt Elane, I think of that broken family and wish they had this perspective. I wish I could go back and teach them that they weren’t to blame for that spring day. I wish I could tell them that smiling again isn’t tarnishing her memory, but honoring it.

Good-Byes

This week has been another in a series of good-byes for me personally and as I sat thinking about that on my drive home from Logan Saturday night, it hit me just how foreign that word will be to our celestial existence. For some context let me back-up.

Early Friday morning I said good-bye to Becca as she headed off on her summer mission to Nauvoo to perform in the Nauvoo brass band. What an opportunity for her! I am truly excited she gets this chance to spend an entire summer in that wonderful place walking where the prophet Joseph walked, and helping to share the gospel through music. I truly am grateful that she is able to be there at this time, however as with each of my children who has left my home, it is so tough saying good-bye. She will be back for a very short week in August, and I know for her the time will fly by all too soon, but for me the days will drag. But even when she returns it will only be to prepare for her trip to college this fall at Snow. Again I am excited for her and Laura to begin this new chapter in their lives. I have seen Elizabeth, Ashley and Jessica grow so much as they have left home and stepped out on their own. They were each ready to take that next step, which is all a parent can ask for, yet I so love what we have in this home, the memories the we have made together, the hard times we have endured, the good times, the laughs, the tears. Each of these memories are the fabric of my life. Each of these moments represent the true happiness I have found in mortality. But one by one my children are growing, and leaving. Elizabeth will be in Oregon with her husband as they grow their family there. Ashley is in grad school this fall in Logan, Jessica on her mission in Missouri, Becca at Snow College and Laura in Orem at UVU. I am grateful to be so much closer to get to see them more often, however they will never be under my roof in the same way again. I know this is the plan. I know this is what the Lord intended. This is what Robin and I intended. I would not want them to stay home and be stifled. I want to see each of them grow. But, that doesn't lessen the pain of losing that everyday association. And as I drove that car home in the dark, thinking about all the good-byes I had just said that weekend, I thought about the celestial kingdom and my family gathered around me for eternity with no more good-byes. Never to be parted again. What a blessing that will be! A blessing I will gladly give all that I have, want, desire, to obtain. Hell would be knowing that I could have had that reunion, or even knowing that it was taking place, but knowing that I had made the choice to not be there. There is no need for physical torture or punishment or a literal lake of fire and brimstone, nothing could approach the anguish of separation from family for eternity knowing the simplicity of the way back. I am so grateful for the knowledge of the gospel in my life. I am so grateful for the sealing ordinance. I am so grateful for the promise of no more good-byes, only joyful hello's as we gather in the presence of the father and his son and they receive us with open arms into their presence never to leave again. That is heaven. My family gives me fleeting glimpses of that joy that we will all have someday without measure.

I tried to bear my testimony and broke down several times as I thought about my family members who are now making the choice to miss that family reunion in eternity. I still hold out hope for them. I always will. I don't care what path they take to get there. I just want them there. No one lost. Not one of us on the outside looking in. I know the Lord is a merciful judge and will take into account all that they have been through. But I hope and pray that they will choose to join us in God's presence as a family forever. I don't want to say an eternal good-bye.

Here is Becca at the airport before leaving and our sweet Ashley on her graduation day at USU. We are so proud of her and the example she has set for her younger sisters and brother.